![]() 🌟 Embracing 45 revolutions around the sun today, a journey I never envisioned traversing. In the dance of life, I've encountered shadows of betrayal and hurdles of setbacks, yet I emerge resilient, guided by the mystical trio of optimism, idealism, and stoicism. Each stumble, a cosmic lesson; each rise, a testament to my spirit's resilience. But woven amidst the cosmic tapestry, I've also been touched by the ethereal tendrils of magic, the tender embrace of love, and the radiant glow of kindness, filling my essence with pure joy. I find myself reflecting on the myriad experiences, lessons, and revelations that have shaped the essence of who I am. In honor of this milestone, I'd like to share 45 of my truths about myself, each one a thread woven into the tapestry of my existence, encompassing the essence of my being. May some of these lessons resonate with some of you on your own journey. 1. Trusting my intuition and listening to my inner voice has led me down paths I never imagined, revealing hidden truths and guiding me towards my purpose. 2. Ancestral wisdom flows through my veins, reminding me of the resilience and strength of those who came before me. 3. Despite encountering darkness in others, I've learned that their shadows only serve to illuminate my own light. 4. Forgiveness is a daily practice, but I've realized that some souls may not be deserving of it – and that's okay. 5. I've embraced the stoic principle of detachment. Though I may be loyal and tolerate situations longer than necessary, once I've reached my limit, I sever ties with toxic individuals without guilt. When I'm done, I'm truly done. 6. Standing firm in my convictions has earned me both respect and solitude, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 7. Authenticity is my superpower; I'd rather be respected, or in most cases talked about, for being genuine than praised for fitting in and artificial, the world has enough fake shit. 8. Watching my children grow reminds me of life's fleeting nature, urging me to savor every precious moment. 9. Life's twists and turns have diverged from my expectations, but each deviation has led to unexpected blessings. Embracing change has taught me resilience and flexibility, allowing me to adapt to life's ever-shifting currents. 10. Helping those with nothing to offer in return – whether it's nurturing plants or caring for animals – fills my heart with purpose. 11. Boundaries are essential for maintaining my mental and emotional well-being; I've learned to set them without guilt. Set your boundaries or other people will set them for you. This includes family. 12. In the realm of existence, I discern the latent greatness residing within each soul, yet some choose to dwell in shadows, forsaking their inherent brilliance. Though their actions may wound, I remain steadfast in the knowledge that my perception of their potential does not absolve them of their responsibility. In their choices lies the truth of their character, and in my response lies the essence of my own. 13. Kindness is a currency that never depreciates; I strive to spend it generously wherever I go. However allowing people to drain me spiritually, emotionally, or mentally is the most destructive thing I’ve ever done to myself. Connections should energize you and be reciprocated. That’s how you know they’re aligned. 14. Respect the sanctity of another woman's home; integrity and empathy pave the way for honorable choices. Emotional intelligence isn't just about understanding others; it's the compass guiding us towards paths of integrity and grace, ensuring our journey is rich with compassion and respect. I will always be a woman other women can trust…ALWAYS. 15. Standing up for what's right, even in the face of opposition, is an act of integrity and courage that I will always uphold. 16. Self-care is not selfish; it's a necessary act of self-preservation and self-love. 17. Expressing gratitude daily has opened my eyes to the abundance of blessings in my life. 18. Trusting in divine timing has brought me peace and contentment, knowing that everything happens in its own time. 19. Vulnerability is the key to authentic connections; I've learned to embrace it wholeheartedly. 20. Perfection is an illusion; I've found beauty in embracing imperfections and celebrating uniqueness. 21. I am an alchemist. Stagnancy and I are incompatible. If necessary, I will upheave my entire world. 22. Authentic connections are not just fleeting encounters but soulful bonds that nourish and sustain me on my journey. 23. Celebrating small victories has taught me the power of gratitude and resilience. 24. Betrayal has shown me the importance of discerning true allies from fair-weather friends, teaching me to value quality over quantity. 25. Regeneration is real. People stabbed me in the back but my spirit is still in tact. 26. Living with no fear has allowed me to step into my power and pursue my dreams without reservation. 27. Choosing faith over doubt has given me the courage to navigate life's uncertainties with grace and resilience. 28. Courageously expressing my truth is not defiance but liberation, a courageous act of self-expression and empowerment. 29. I’m grateful for people that left me. They showed me who I was. 30. There is nothing in my purpose that says I need to prove anything to anybody. 31. Being a woman of integrity and trustworthiness is a badge I wear proudly, knowing that my word is my bond. 32. Integrity is my compass; I follow it, even when the path is difficult. But please don't fuck around, because you will find out. 33. If you don’t like me, its because you see me. If you like me because you see yourself. 34. I love my people hard, and this is my greatest joy, a testament to the depth of my heart and the boundless capacity of my soul. Choosing love over fear or others opinions is not blind idealism but profound wisdom, a recognition of the transformative power of love in healing and transformation. 35. Trusting in the interconnectedness of all things has deepened my sense of belonging and purpose. 36. Letting go of the need for external validation has freed me to live unapologetically. 37. Dancing gives you direct connection to Source. So do it often and with wild abandon. 38. Embracing the journey of self-discovery has allowed me to uncover my true essence and potential. Sitting with my shadow has been an integral part of this journey—a courageous act of facing the aspects of myself that society often deems unworthy or undesirable. Yet, in my shadow's embrace, I have found profound wisdom and insight. I love my shadow self because it embodies the raw, unfiltered truth of who I am. It is the repository of my fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities, but also the source of my greatest strength and resilience. In embracing my shadow, I have learned to love every aspect of myself, both light and dark, for they are integral parts of the intricate tapestry of my existence. Self-love is my birthright; I claim it, knowing it is the key to unlocking my fullest potential. 39. As a parent, it's important to instill the virtues of accountability and humility, urging your children to face their challenges with unwavering resolve. In this journey, I too embrace accountability, acknowledging my imperfections and committing to owning my shit. 40. Cultivating a sense of wonder and curiosity has enriched my life with endless possibilities and adventures. 41. Living boldly has allowed me to step into my power and embrace life's challenges with open arms. 42. Alignment requires discipline. 43. Surrendering to the flow of life's unfolding has brought me a sense of peace and trust, knowing that I am exactly where I need to be. 44. Any relationship I pour into should help me grow into a better version of myself. Uplift me of get left. 45. Do not covet what others possess. No individual possesses everything; if they did, they would not be incarnated in this realm. Where one person enjoys a blessing, there is inevitably something lacking elsewhere, often unseen. Instead, direct your attention to where the Universe bestows its blessings upon you. Concentrate on your strengths and talents, for they are the essence of your purpose and your mission in this life! As I journey deeper into the realms of existence, I surrender to the cosmic symphony, embracing the harmony of light and shadow, knowing that within the darkness lies the seed of enlightenment. Here's to embracing the cosmic dance and surrendering to the cosmic currents. Here's to 45 years of cosmic exploration and soulful illumination. 🌌✨ xoxo, Candance #CosmicJourney #BirthdayReflections #Resilience #Optimism #Idealism #Stoicism #Magic #Love #Kindness #PureJoy #45YearsStrong
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Age Of Aquarius: 21 New Rules For 2021
1/29/2021
If you’re still clutching to the Old Normal you’re in for a world of hurt in the months and years ahead. Let Go of it NOW or you’re going to fall BEhind and likely end up stuck out there with the mob, fighting for something that was never yours to BEgin with. We absolutely must realize, right NOW, that the Game has already Changed and that the NEW RULES are BE-ing Written as We Speak. If we cannot open our focus up enough to catch the Cataclysmic Changes happening within our SELVES, we are going to miss the greatest opportunity of our life and risk getting thrown under the bus. We’re moving into the Age of Aquarius and this Emerging Paradigm demands total Inner Freedom, which stands in stark contrast to the Ancient Paradigm of external control. This Spiritual war has been brewing for a long time already, but my oh my, is it ever Heating Up. Prepare your SELF for a Colossal, even Biblical struggle between these two dynamics as the Universe works to restore It SELF to Balance under a NEW SIGN. We are NOT Here to steer this thing to our liking; We are Here to Open Up to all of the Possibilities this Ride has to offer. Time to BE the CHANGE. And this really is the Moment so many of us have been waiting for. The Matrix Control System was never going to come to an end without Revealing itself for What It Really Is. It’s finally all out in the open for everyone to see NOW, and it’s clear to those who choose to look that the Hammer is coming down and the Old System is going for Broke in its effort to consume the entire Human race. Those who learn to stay continually Aligned with their Inner Truth will BE able to avoid slipping into conformity, dependence, fear, group-thinking, and herd stupidity. We are going to need the Tools, Temperament, Tenacity, and Spirit to navigate this, or we are going to get fried by stress, overwhelmed by fear, and we’ll end up stuck with the other sheeple in one of the pop-media narratives, blindly carrying out someone else’s agenda. Our Energy will be entirely consumed by external events, stunting our Spiritual and Inner Growth, and we will be sentenced to toil in frustration in the remnants of a Dying Paradigm, able only to focus on conflict, strife, and struggle. One of the things I’m noticing very clearly these days is how the Nature of TRUTH and the Source of TRUTH is changing. Whereas once we could seek and find Truth in our established collective history, media, and in the accounts of others, Truth NOW is BE-ing revealed to us in relationships. All of that other stuff is proving to be completely compromised. And the isolation of the year has induced a purification in our relationships so that NOW it’s as though we are all operating in a House of Mirrors. At first, the crisis revealed our Truest Colours to those closest to us, and NOW, in the reflections of our relationships, we can see more clearly than ever what we need to KNOW and DO in order to Evolve and Grow into this NEW Inner FREEDOM. If we Ignore What We See We will get Stuck in the Old ways of BEing. Pay careful attention to how you are showing up in your relationships these days because there are two competing narratives playing out in our world right NOW. One of them happens on the media stage and features an expertly-crafted orchestration of Humanity’s worst qualities. The other story happens in your mind and in your heart and presents an extraordinary opportunity for Personal Evolution. Whichever one you’re focused is what you’ll bring to the others in your life and will determine what feedback you receive from them and the world. A wise friend recently told me that the LOVE we experience in our lives is the Clearest Reflection of who We Truly Are as people. So, what do you see in the relationships in your life? Are you experiencing LOVE, or are you frustrated? Is there Easiness or maybe emptiness? Is there JOY or do you feel repressed or bottled up? Do you feel a sense of Expansion or a sense of contraction? Can you feel into your relationships to sense which ones are giving you energy and which ones are taking your energy? What is going right in the good ones and wrong in the others? What do you need to change about your SELF in order to have the kind of relationship with the world that brings you Happiness, Joy, Peace, and Freedom? I’ve been meditating deeply on all of this lately. Moving very slowly into the void and waiting to see what naturally arises. Here’s some of the things coming up for me lately. They feel like an emerging NEW Rule-Set. Like an updated program to run on as we Collectively Dive Headlong into a Tremendous and Cataclysmic war between Freedom and control. Between fear and LOVE. AGE OF AQUARIUS: 21 NEW RULES For 2021 Enjoy, People, And Keep The Vibration High! 1.) Above all else, BE Direct and BE Honest. BE the one that says what has for too long gone unsaid. 2.) Love insanely. Let it all out into the open. You don’t have time to hold back any longer. 3.) Make your SELF strong. Physically strong, Emotionally strong, Mentally strong, Spiritually strong. 4.) Practice radical detachment and letting go. We need to create space for the New Paradigm to Emerge. 5.) Learn to enjoy BEing patient in allowing things to unfold naturally without forcing anything. 6.) Express your SELF like you never have before. BE more Real. BE more Raw. BE more Open. BE more bad Ass. BE more You. 7.) Let death be all the motivation you need to do anything you want to do. The clock is ticking faster than ever. 8.) Don’t be surprised when things work out far better than you could have imagined. 9.) Give away as much freedom to Others as you can stand, then give them more. Let them have their stupid differing opinions, or whatever, and just keep on loving them with everything you’ve got. 10.) Do NOT allow your mind to take the wheel. Steer with your Heart. 11.) Make Personal Evolution your Prime Directive and watch how quickly your life changes for the Better. 12.) BE the person in the room that Laughs and Smiles the most, showing others how to brush off the madness of the world. 13.) Conserve your energy until it is time to move, then do so with Maximum Potency. 14.) Stay close to the things you can control and distance yourself from those things which you cannot. 15.) Teach everything you’ve learned so far. Participate fully in the Growth of Others. 16.) Create relationships, fix relationships, find common ground, build bridges, and be there for others. 17.) Learn to fiercely Observe the world and the people around you. 18.) Rewrite the rules as needed for maximum ease and minimum stress. 19.) Let yourself cry, scream or whatever as needed in order to make sure you are a conduit for negative emotions, NOT a reservoir. 20.) Practice, Practice, Practice. Engage in your daily Inner Practice every single day. Cultivate your Inner Peace and Strength through the continuity of your Intentions. 21.) Maintain the Highest possible vibration you can and make a point of BEing infectious to Others. with Sacred LOVE of ONE Pars Kutay Artist: Sacha Stone #5D #ascension #lightseekers #lightwarriors #holisticdesign #holisticdesigner #lifecoach #love #lovelightstheway #2021 #newearth #awakening ![]() Holy shit! I can’t believe it's only a month before Thanksgiving! Time is flying! Then Christmas will be here before we know it. However, I think it is safe to say we are all excited to get 2020 over and behind us. For me personally, it has been a crazy couple weeks with design appointments, interviews for my new designer position, homeschooling 4 kids, and I still have several more weeks of design appointments before I can get excited about taking a few days to relax and spend time with family and close friends. I'm thinking about hosting holidays at our home this year, so I wanted to spend my day today making my home cozy and beautiful. It's snowing today, so there's no reason for me to go outside, nor do I want to. You may be wondering why would I care about how my house looks and feels a month before the holiday season officially begins. If there is one thing I have learned from COVID, it is I DO have a little more time to plan things, where as before it would have been a very different scene….. most likely where I spend the whole day of, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to find just the right napkins, plates, name tags, flowers, etc. for the perfect holiday dinner. The day would then conclude with me frantically screeching into the driveway, unloading bags of “stuff” I don’t need, feeling incredibly stressed and probably picking a fight with my husband because he is sitting on the couch with his feet up doing exactly what the holidays are all about… relaxing and enjoying himself! Over the years I have had to learn about the “art” of being not only a happy host, but also a happy guest at my own party. Something else I've learned from COVID is how quickly the things we once took for granted were taken away...quickly. No more birthday parties, weddings were cancelled, vacations (not us) cancelled, dinner parties and date nights forbidden, the list goes on and on. Once we were "allowed" to have those moments back (with limitations), I realized a great occasion is really about presence. Even if we’re surrounded by the very best and beautiful things, we can’t enjoy them if we don’t have the presence of mind to truly be in the moment. Whether you are going to be the host or a guest the year (because WE WILL NOT LET THEM CANCEL OUR HOLIDAYS), the most important element for a Happy Holiday gathering is your presence, more so this year than any. When we are present (instead of perfect), we have such a greater chance at enjoying everyone around us, dancing with unexpected twists ’n turns, and most importantly being grateful for what we have. With all that being said though…. There are many tangible things we actually CAN do to help ourselves be more centered and grounded this holiday season. Below are some of my favorite tips for being both a fabulous host and guest this holiday season! I hope you find these helpful and be sure to share any other tips and tricks you may have of your own in the comments below! Wishing you a beautiful, peaceful and fun holiday season with your family and friends! Holiday Planning Tips For Hosts Look at lighting. Beautiful lighting can create a sense of warmth, connectedness, and flow. Adorn your home with candles, soften those overhead lights, and make it cozy! Think about who’s coming, and what would make them most comfortable. Would your guests get squeamish if you asked them to take turns saying what they’re grateful for? Then don’t do it! Tailor your plans for your guests’ comfort: from the food to the activities to the seating arrangements. Be a peaceful leader. As the host, your presence truly ripples out to everyone there. If you’re stressed about the turkey or anxious about Uncle Jack, your guests will pick up on this, and be stressed, too. However, if you’re calm (and not just pretending to be calm!), everyone else will relax. Plan for everything to be ready and settled 20-30 minutes before your guests arrive, so you can put up your feet, read a magazine, and enjoy the calm. Ask for and receive support. (Disclosure- this is a struggle for me) Get creative with this! Can you have someone come clean your house the day before or after? Could you book a massage the day before? What about cooking the turkey in the morning, then watching a movie before everyone arrives? Accept support from others before, during, and after the event. (Often, tension as a host comes from a reluctance to receive support, believing we have to “do it all” ourselves. This is complete bullshit! When you ask for help (or receive it graciously when it’s offered), you’ll invite others to take care of themselves, too … which leads to more presence and peace … and that’s where the real magic of a gathering begins! Shift your furniture to facilitate connection. Create little areas for different-sized conversations. That lone chair you read in? Pull up a companion for it, so two people can have an intimate conversation. Create larger and smaller arrangements so different sized groupings of people can talk easily. Adorn your home with intentions. Every time I light a candle, I say a little intention (for joy, ease, love, etc). So when my guests arrive and there are lots of candles in my home, they’re actually walking into a meadow of meaning! This way, even if my guests aren’t the kind of people who’d love sharing appreciations or setting intentions out loud, I’ve already enjoyed this ritual, in my own way. I also suggest smudging your home beforehand too. Start at the front door of the home and light your smudge stick. Then, begin to move around the home. Move mindfully and with care, walking clockwise around the entire perimeter of the home. Be sure to allow the smoke to drift into even the hidden spaces, like inside closets, basements and dark corners. When you arrive back at the front door, chant your final mantra or prayer. Visualize the entire home is filled with bright white sunlight. Then speak your intention one last time to close the smudging ceremony. Play soft music. I think of music as the thread that weaves an event together. We want it to be soft enough so it doesn’t steal the show, but pleasant enough to set a beautiful mood. Make time for your favorite parts. For the reasons I mentioned above, you can imagine that Vince (my husband) used to hate it when I hostessed parties. I ran around like a crazy person, attending to all the details — and it wasn’t fun for anyone. When I finally realized that in order to create an enjoyable experience for my guests, I needed to enjoy myself too, everything changed! For me, this meant identifying my favorite parts of hostessing, and making time for them. Back then, I would spend so much time cooking (which I didn’t love), that I’d run out of time to do my favorite: make things beautiful! Now, I’ve learned to get support for the cooking, so I can spend more time doing what I do best and love: creating a beautiful environment for the gathering. Take a moment to identify what you love most about hosting, and find creative ways to make more time for it. Holiday Planning Tips For Guests Be present. Even if you aren’t the host, you can show up as a leader: model presence, love, and calm for everyone around you. You’ll have a better time — and so will they! Take a few minutes before you leave the house to breathe, relax, and set the intentions to have a wonderful time. Be helpful. Calmly offer to help your host, in small, creative ways — like setting the table, pouring drinks, or cleaning up. Be sensitive to the fact that your host may not want to receive help, though; if taking care of everything is a source of pride for them, don’t deprive them of it. Be responsible for your own comfort. If you need a break, take one. If you get cold, put on a sweater. If you’re allergic to nuts, make sure you don’t eat any. If you feel more comfortable wearing a mask, wear it. If you feel more comfortable and free without a mask, then don't. It sounds simple, but taking responsibility for your own needs is actually one of the most helpful things you can do. Strive to care for yourself gracefully — and you just might inspire others to do the same. This will help everyone have a better time (including the host!). Be open. Things probably won’t go exactly as you imagined. Go with the flow: embrace that new tradition, try that new recipe, have a talk with that new friend. Be grateful. Hosting a big gathering takes a ton of work, so be sure to thank your host. Share specific things you enjoyed and appreciated. Let them know that you know how much work they put into things, and how grateful you are. Whether you’re the host or the guest this holiday season (or staying solo!), take a few moments to set intentions for yourself, get grounded, and truly arrive. Then let the magic and merriment begin! #planningfortheholidays #octoberdesigntopic #interiorcoaching #lifecoaching #lifestylebydesign #interiorcoach #mindfullness #holisticdesign #holisticdesigner #coloradodesigner #livewithpurpose A Creative Transition
6/26/2020
I recently interviewed Pam Greenway with Greenway + Giovanni Creative Business Consulting. During our little chat I learned a lot of things I didn't even know about Pam. I mean, we are friends, but it's crazy how my little Podcast allows me that opportunity.
In case you missed this week's Podcast, Pam has over 26 years of experience in the healthcare profession including private practice & starting a Non-Profit for children with disabilities called KC: Art Without Labels. However, Pam has now ventured into the business consulting world and it has been an easy transition since she is still able to serve others. I asked Pam a couple questions before our on-air interview, so you all could get to know her a little better, and of course you can listen to our the entire interview by clicking here C: "If heaven exists, what would you like to hear G-d say when you arrive at the pearly gates?" P: "I think the end goal of living a life for Christ is to hear the words at the end of your earthly journey ...Well Done...enter in my good and faithful servant. I was raised to be respectful of others, to love others as Christ loves me...but to also to stand firm in my beliefs whether that's about my faith or any portion of my life. If we never take a stand for anything we'll fall for everything. My Dad was a strong man...and always showed me through his actions more than words what it looks like to love people...but to also be a strong person who isn't afraid to speak their minds." C: What is your favorite word?" P: "One of my favorite words is Ping. It's a nickname a sweet little boy gave me years ago...Eli Jack Malone...he's one of the sweetest boys ever....and before he could really speak...one night it sounded like Ping and it stuck. I always loved hearing his tiny voice say Ping...I love you...so sweet. I cannot believe he will be 13 in August . Crazy how time flies." C: "Room, desk, car- which do you clean first?" P: "It's funny because when I say clean my desk...sometimes it means moving a few piles of material to the other side. But it's organized chaos. I know exactly where everything is and can find it immediately. I've never in my life lost anything important. I've had people over the years who tried to change my ways and get me "organized" the way they were organized but it never worked for me. I have to do it my way to stay organized...so years ago I embraced my organized chaos and have lived happily ever after." For anyone who is looking for help to grow their business Pam helps Realtors, Network Marketers & other service based entrepreneurs with strategies and tools to stop chasing unqualified leads & focus only on generating consistent, qualified leads who truly want what the biz owner has to offer. She comes HIGHLY recommended by me personally. Want to know how to get in touch with Pam? Phone:870-219-2395 Email: [email protected] -or- [email protected] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PNcreativecoaches ![]() This week I had the pleasure of having my close friend and fellow entrepreneur Candy Covnot, on my Podcast- Lifestyle By Design.. Candy is also Antique guru, creative- Candy Covnot. Aside from being a wonderful friend and mentor, Candy is also the Queen of "funk shui". Candy has over 20 years of experience hosting Estate sales and appraisal services, running a successful antique furniture and home decor booth in an antique mall for over 22 years, and she is a Master Florist. However you would never know from all her successes that she has been living with MS. Candy shared with my Podcast listeners how wellness isn't just about a lifestyle but it is a mindset. That exercise, and lifestyle choices can improve your MS and your overall quality of life, but so can living authentically. How taking control of this “invisible” aspect can help you stay motivated and resilient, improve relationships, and enhance all of the areas of your health and wellness. You can listen to the Podcast to hear the whole interview. But first, take a moment to read some of the other questions I asked her off-air. Candance: What are the best resources that have helped you along your journey? Candy: Best MS resource is the book, Dr. Wahls protocol. It's my ms bible! Candance: What 3 habits do you do daily that improve your life? Candy: My 3 daily habits are: In the morning quiet reflection time to start the day with good intentions. Then it's my morning stretching and breathing (yoga). Still working on nourishing my body with healthy eating habits because all if not most of my health issues can be managed with a healthy diet. Candance: Who are the 3 people who have been the most influential to you? Candy: Hmmm influential people??? Thinking... I have to think about that. I'm not sure certain people influence me. I'm inspired by many friends and follow certain people like Rachel Brathen (yoga girl) or Iyanla Vanzant. I'm inspired by people that are good humans A big thank you again, to Candy. She is such an inspiration! You can find Candy's beautiful antiques at Robyns Nest of Colorado, which are proudly displaying at The American Classics Marketplace on Academy Blvd, here in Colorado Springs, booth A-4 in the front showroom. For information about her Estate Sales, Call (719) 393-6006 or email [email protected] Your Truth Will Set You Free
12/29/2019
Some of you reading this can remember the voicemail left on my store phone late in the summer- if you aren't familiar with it that's okay, the contents of the voicemail were juvenile and filled with jealousy, and aren't worth mentioning here. That very same day a letter was put in the mail that made its way to the doorstep of the store.
Finding out your husband has been having an affair with a woman, Natalia, a Realtor here in our big/little city...whom I didn't even know existed...who was so gracious to do me a "favor" and send me an anonymous letter exposing their affair 4 months after the fact...and gives a half-assed apology because she can't even sign her letter... This day changed me. As you can imagine, finding out this information you really only have two choices- 1. Run, and let all of this manifest itself at some other stage in my life, but it's easier to just divorce him and run. Let it change me for the worst, close myself off to everyone to avoid being hurt ever again. 2. Stay, deal with the hurt, and open myself up to everything the Universe is trying to show me with this lesson (because I believe there are lessons in everything). The much harder choice if you ask anyone. I won't lie, I have spent the last several months somewhere in between both of those options. I have been in some of the darkest places, explored the inner parts of myself that actually scared me. Friends, family, and even my husband (who I will tell you has been working his ass off trying to rebuild from this entire ordeal) have all tried helping me as I sunk lower and lower. I realized I was comfortable sitting here as a victim. it was safe. A part of me wanted to keep my eyes closed. I wanted to stay hidden in my fear and anger, to sit in my righteousness with my pointing finger, sit in my victimhood. I wanted to defend why my life was so messy, to scream from the rooftops so everyone could hear my hurt. This pain left me frozen for months. Have you ever felt this kind of pain? If so, keep reading. I thought to myself over and over, "How can I move forward in the kind of work I do- talking to clients about making their inner worlds reflect in their outer worlds when my life is a fucking mess?" Oh yes, there it is...that little voice of self-doubt had reared its familiar head. It whispered, “You’re a fraud. You don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about. You don’t have your own life put together, and everyone will see right through you, you should just give up, do everyone a favor, divorce your husband and run.” So I sat in that anger and hurt longer until that same voice told me, "there is more to this life than what you are choosing, a place of love. There is a place that is eagerly waiting, a place of truth, a place behind the dense hurt and bondage where the real beauty in life awaits." I finally had to open my eyes and be aware. To be accountable, to be responsible for healing my life. I have had to love myself until I was full- I still am. The dark parts of me that I saw didn't want me to understand that the fingers I have been pointing should have been pointing back at me the entire time. I had to finally ask myself, "is this pain and anger really worth my misery? Is the price I am paying really worth this one precious life?" I knew at some point during all of this, the time would come when I would be given the task to let go, the choice to be reborn. Betrayal and the hurt that comes with it, also comes the opportunity to chose whether you stay where you are or surrender. Surrender. I finally learned the art of surrender during this experience, and the art of grace as I let things go. The finding of my true self, becoming reborn again. The unfolding of letting things happen the way they are supposed to happen. To have trust that my life is happening just the way it should be, and sometimes the people we love the most hurt us the most. But if you can sit instead of run, you will see there are beautiful opportunities to grow- it is Source's way of giving you everything this life has to offer, reminding you that you are owed nothing from this life and realize instead you owe it to yourself to be more present in your life, to surrender. To surrender sounds scary, bringing more fear, but it is actually a beautiful divine word. It means to give up, to let go, to let go of the things that no longer serve you, allowing divine grace to enter your life- trust the journey, even when your life is filled with chaos and disharmony. Ride the turbulent waters until you make it to the clear water that awaits...it will happen. Trust that the Universe is rearranging your life to make room for the beautiful gifts that await. Because the truth is, life is messy. Sometimes on the inside and sometimes on the outside. We are all constantly growing and shifting. Transitioning from one thing to the next. Losing our way and finding it again, over and over, rendition after rendition. My eyes started to open to the truth, and once they did, that truth can never be unseen again. This is what real awakening looks like. It is with real awakenings comes an understanding that will allow you to stretch into the wide expansive being you were destined to be. Finding out who your true self is as you follow the pain you are holding until you realize there is noting more for you to do with it. Lay it down, sweet friend. Get out of your own way. Be still, as it is with this stillness you will see the glimpses of who you truly are on the other side of the anger and hurt. Abundance is waiting. It is here that I learned about forgiveness and that any forgiveness I have experienced at this point in my life isn't because someone else made me let go, it was because I chose to. So the power is mine, just like it's yours. We all want forgiveness to be this practical concept and practice- but the truth is we just complicate things, and I am no different. Except this time I surrendered to the practical explanation of how to navigate through this and forgiveness, for there is an intelligence inside each of us that helps guide us and open our eyes to the wholeness inside us. It is the work of magic and miracles, do not overthink it, for love awaits on the other side of forgiveness. And with that love comes liberation. You must listen to the part of you that no longer wants to suffer. The longing to be more alive regardless of the actions of others, for you are responsible for your life- this one life. I hope you arrive at your freedom as I did, because I forgive them. After learning of my husband's affair in the manner in which I found out, I have personally come to know this entire process as beautiful. The fabric that makes each of us whole and human. What I discovered is authentic living and having a beautiful life is not about having a perfect house or a perfect life. It is not some static, ideal state of color coded shoes or a perfectly organized closet. It is about staying connected to heart and home. Creating daily life rituals with meaning and intention. Celebrating realness and creating foundations that function. Beautiful authentic living is about being real and alive. Paying attention to what makes us happy. Living from a place of joy and play. It’s about trusting ourselves, supporting ourselves, loving ourselves. It blooms with honesty, vulnerability and truth...and never having to send a letter like I was sent, because when you love yourself you don't seek love from someone else's marriage. Beautiful authentic living is about flow. It’s not a state of pristine, predictable perfection. Nor a plateau of happiness to strive towards or protect, or closing your eyes when things hurt. It’s about creating a home base that is ever-open, ever-changing, ever-evolving...riding the rough waters and sometimes knowing when it's better to surrender. Beautiful authentic living happens from the heart. It’s as real as your flesh and blood. As human as your desires…your mistakes…and your dreams. It is the true, raw, ever-changing beauty of this tapestry called life. Unique to you and woven with love, and even forgiveness Beautiful authentic living is a wild ride. But one so worth taking. |
Designer, Life Coach, + Realtor® - Candance Toscano"You can design the life of your dreams and acquire that luxurious, fulfilled and empowered lifestyle you know you have always wanted." Archives
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